What if… this is it?

“But what if this is all that I am capable of? What if this is everything that I can? What if, no matter how much time, practice and thought I put into it, this is all it is ever going to be? What if it will never be better? Maybe I have to accept that this is my limit, this is all”.

“Are you seriously kidding me? What in the hell makes you think that?”

“Well… I have been practicing and practicing, for years on end. But these last few years, I have not improved anymore.”

“You have not improved? What about those risks that you take, you would not have taken them even a year ago”.

Okay, you have a point there. But really, risk-taking? That is not a sign of improvement, of any new, learned skill. That is just me being tired of being afraid of everything”.

“And how exactly is that not a new skill? You have developed courage, the power to feel your fear but stop allowing it to guide your life”.

Maybe… But, it has not made a difference. I have not learned any new thing because of this courage. I just fail more times and feel even more afraid than before”.

“Ever heard of a comfort zone? That lovely place where everything is familiar, where you know every detail, every person and every skill that resides there. That place where you feel relaxed and happy? Yeah you know it? Well let me tell you: nothing ever grows there. You cannot learn without feeling uncomfortable. When you start feeling comfortable, you stop learning. So…”.

Yeah, but feeling uncomfortable is not the same as learning. I can be uncomfortable and still not learn a single thing”.

“True. So?”.

SO! So I am feeling uncomfortable but not learning anything new, seems like I have gotten the worse part of the deal”.

“Of what deal? Who ever said that change would come easily? Or that change would come fast? Maybe you are standing still, yeah. Could be true. But that does not mean you will remain standing still forever. Change takes time. Especially the change you are looking for. The change of character.”

Yes it does. But I am so afraid change might never come. What if it never does?”

“It will. But you have to be patient. You have to be willing and disciplined. Just put in a hundred percent effort and change will come. You know it will. You know that the right thing will in the end lead to change, you just have to be willing to take the time it takes. It might take years before anything changes, because change is hard. But you will not be stuck in the mean time. Just trust change will come and wait”.

And what if it does? Change is scary!”

“And what if it does not?”

Good point”

~ Waves white flag ~

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