Evidence that I suck as a human being today
- I could not teach my horse anything new today, instead I probably taught him things he does not need to know and bored the hell out of him.
- I joked around with the boyfriend of a friend of mine, which might or might not have made her feel a little uncomfortable.
- I cried and broke down over #1 evidence-of-sucking.
- Even though there are so many more positive notes than negative notes on this list, I still feel the negatives outweigh the positives.
Evidence that I was a better human being today than I want to believe
- Even in my state of emotional breakdown, whilst trying not to cry out loud in the bus, I still got up and helped make some space for someone who entered the bus with a pram.
- I accepted someones offer to help me and made sure they did not feel obligated to do so under the circumstances.
- I had a really nice warming-up session with my horse, which was an improvement compared to what we did before.
- I still smiled and made a joke, even when feeling horrible.
- I actually wrote down this list of negative and positive things in my day, to help me understand how valid and unchangeable my self-loathing feeling actually is.
- I got up after only 6 hours of sleep to finish a family project and go to my horse.
- I tried to think of new things to teach my horse and make it fun for him.
- I took a moment to observe and investigate the radical notion that flawfull and fun might actually be better than flawless and perfect.