It was not supposed to be like this

“Out beyond being right or being wrong there is a field. I will meet you there” ~ Rumi

Today we met, maybe not completely in that field but we tried to get as near the fence surrounding it as possible. We spoke in truth. The truths that have been in our hearts for such a long time, but were never truly acknowledged. Truths whose consequences I have wished for, but also whose consequences I have feared. And in those truths we saw what was not working anymore. We saw that we had been trying to steer our ships to seas that did not exist on our maps. We saw that what we wanted, was not the company of the other, but the company of the other on our own terms. Terms that have gone out of date and out of style. Terms that not all parties had agreed to. Terms that had not been discussed, but had been laid down without a word, for the other to keep.

And near that field we realized, that we could no longer keep pretending. We could no longer force ourselves into a form that we have outgrown. We realized that what we wanted, was incompatible with what the other wanted and that trying to hold on the wish of being compatible, was destroying everyone. We saw and we agreed that, for the time being, we would say goodbye. And though being near that field protected us from getting more hurt than we already were, nobody told me that the hurt I had would come and get me in the end anyway.

So here I am, in that field on my own. You have left to your own field, while I am still sitting in mine. And all I can think is ‘It was not supposed to be like this’.

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