“And you laugh and you cry,
And you live and you die,
cause you don’t really know who you are
Run baby run
My hands release you baby
run baby run
as fast as you can” ~ Jason Upton
Some music can better express how you feel than any other words can; These few lines are lyrics from a beautiful song I have been listening to for over the last 12 hours: ‘Run baby run’ by Jason Upton.
Sometimes in this life you catch yourself trying to make things work, because you’ve decided they should work. Somehow you caught a picture in your hands and head of how it can be and all of sudden that’s the only way it can be and the only way it should be. And you find yourself clinging to that picture, holding on for dear life, wanting a moment to be the way the image in your head showed you.
And then all of a sudden it dawns on you: why am I holding on to this? Why do I want this so badly? Why is there no other possibility anymore? When did I stop experiencing a situation and started directing it, like my life is a movie that should have progress, important moments, meet-cutes and a plot? Is this even what I need or what’s good for me?
Perhaps not, because ‘you don’t really know who you are’. We run and we run in this life, thinking we know exactly what we should do, that we know precisely who the people we’re looking at are and then it turns out we don’t even know the most fundamental person to our own being: our-selves. We don’t know what is good for us and what we need and in insisting that we do, we forge things to happen that might not bring us joy, happiness or fulfillment.
We are free, hopefully we all are, and we can choose which path to walk, which road to cross, which house to pass by and which house to enter. But perhaps we lack the wisdom to know which option is the better one and which choices we should not even want to make. Perhaps we need to let go of the idea that we can steer ourselves in a certain direction and instead just run.
Maybe there’s someone, something higher than our humble selves, who does know who we are and what we need. Maybe when we let go of our independence and our illusory self-knowledge there is space for this one to show up and guide us. Or maybe there is not, who knows?
Maybe all we really can do is close our eyes and just ‘run baby run’.
Run, baby, run!
As fast as you can
My hands release you,